Warning. The following post will contain spoilers from the latest Game of Thrones episode. All stunts are performed by trained athletes, please do not try these at home. Viewer discretion is advised. No leprechauns were injured in the making of this blog post. Terms and conditions apply.
So, after watching the latest Game of Thrones episode (2 days ago), I felt it high time I write a little ‘suttin suttin’ about it…
Before I begin however it should be noted that, having completed the reading of the ‘A Song of ice and fire’ series, I was recently initiated into the most notorious, badass, elitist, thug life, straight up Baller crew on all the Internet. Yes.
Embrace me, fellow BookSnobs… For I have become one of you! I am now OFFICIALLY allowed to compare anything I see or hear in this World of ours to The Books. An action which is immediately followed by a scoff, rolling of the eyes and the occasional finger wag. It is known.
If I see Jaime Lannister and Bronn loitering around in Dorne…
“Excuse me? That wasn’t in the books”
When Sansa married Ramsey Bolton..
“Ummmm I think you’ll find, young man, that that was not in the books”
When Bronn came across a pair of poisonous breasts
“Still not in the books!”
Even when my own mother made me a sandwich!
“Oh my god for the last time woman that wasn’t in the damned books!”
*throws plate on the floor and cries hysterically*
… You get the picture. Great power, great responsibility.. All that jazz.
No but seriously.. All ‘jokes’ aside. That was NOT IN THE BOOKS 😭😭 And it wasn’t even a *good* change at that. Burning Shireen alive, for me, gave Stannis no benefits, whatsoever.
In one single stroke of genius, Stannis Baratheon:
– Turned the majority of his soldiers against him
– Turned Selyse human! (ew)
– Killed off his only heir! :S
– Made himself the most despised character in all of Westeros
-Still kept everyone hungry
And most importantly he wasted perfectly good kindling which could have been saved for Ramsey. *sigh*
Bad move my friend.. Bad move…
Since I don’t remember much of the episode I’ll go ahead and skip all the way to the end… Because I can 😎
The climax of the episode saw a wave of fighting break out between #TeamKhaleesi and the Sons of the Harpy. And at the climax of the climax!!! We see Daenerys mount Drogon’s spikes and flee the scene, leaving the rest of TeamMotherOfDragons to fend for themselves. And who said gallantry was dead?
A slow clap seems in order at this point.
But the biggest crime in all of this wasn’t that she left all her friends to die.. No sirree, the biggest crime was that it happened straight after Jorah Mormont FINALLY escaped the dreaded friendzone!
When Jorah and Dany touched hands (and when he possibly gave her greyscale lolz), millions of men around the World were given ample hope in those briefest of moments. Across the globe, all the friendzoned, brotherzoned and dadzoned (don’t ask) men looked up…..
Only to see her fly off at the nearest opportunity!
Oh well lads we’ll get her next time ayyy.. Back to the drawing board for now. *sniff*
So all in all, apart from the ‘shock value’ of the episode, which admittedly kept me on the edge of my seat and completely ruined my fingernails/underwear, the whole ordeal didn’t make much sense. Both Daenerys and Stannis (Dannis?) acted completely out of character, in my humble opinion, and these actions will probably lead to some rather large and further deviated consequences down the line.
Butterflies will be the end of us all…
But alas! Seeing as though there’s no need blogging over spilt milk, which is precisely what I’ve just done, let us hope the final episode of the season will ‘Break the Internet’ as promised.
Until then ladies and starfish.. Peace 🙂