Tag Archives: Art

How to Visit an Art Gallery

 

The year is still young.

 

Today (or whenever you read this) I will give you all a gift. A gift which will surely fulfill many of the New Year’s resolutions you never even made.

 

In 5 fairly easy steps I shall transform you into an elite member of society, the pinnacle of humankind, the ray of light in an ever dimming world. You shall become… A gallery-goer.

 

Cue the explosions.

 

Even those with next to no knowledge of art, such as myself, will be able to infiltrate any art gallery around the world using this 5 step method. For no reason whatsoever.

 

Use this power wisely.

 

First we need to get you ready. To lay the foundations for our elaborate ruse.

 

Step 1 – You must always carry a briefcase.  Even if the only contents are a Beano and some tissues, a briefcase will command immediate respect. You will become an overnight connoisseur of the fine arts, and any opinion you utter will be taken as undeniable fact. Fact.

 

Step 2 – Spectacles will need to be worn. They are an essential part of our disguise and the true purpose of this shall be revealed shortly.

IMAG2163

This coffee table really knows its art history.

Step 3 – Disdain must always be shown to the sworn enemy of the gallery-goer, the tourist. If ever the tourist does anything to ruin the ambiance either by taking photographs, eating a picnic or even just by speaking, you must immediately locate your nearest fellow gallery-goer, raise your eyebrows, and tut.

 

Step 4You must always use vague words of appreciation. It is completely necessary to inspect each work of art you come across by peering closely at it for 4-5 seconds. After the seconds are up, you must address no one in particular and mutter the word ‘splendid’ before shortly moving on. The following are a list of words/phrases you can use instead of ‘splendid’ in order to keep things fresh:

– Jolly good

– Well I’ll be……

– Fascinating

– Absolutely spiffing if I may say

– Elementary my dear Watson.

 

So far you’re doing great! But if you really want to knock ’em dead (an actual possibility) and have your name etched in the annals of Art Gallery History, you can use this next move. The Finishing Move.

 

Step 5Use the finishing move sparingly. Whenever you arrive to the section with the largest number of viewers, it is safe to assume that this is the main exhibition piece. The pièce de résistance, if you will.

 

Your entire life has lead to this moment.

 

The onlookers all hold their breath.

 

Using only the thumb and pointer finger from your right hand. You will slowly and dramatically re-position your spectacles from the bridge of your nose to the extreme tip of it. Gravity itself will be tempted to bring your glasses down if it, too, wasn’t holding its breath.

 

With your glasses at the tip of your nose, you must tantalisingly tilt your head ever so slightly upwards and make an expression full of pondering. This will be achieved by squinting your eyes whilst simultaneously pulling your bottom lip over the top.

 

Be careful of how often you use this pose though as many in our society actually suffer from the very rare disease, Resting Gallery Face . You have been warned.

 

As the crowd looks on, you can now relax your face, pretend to wipe dust off of your briefcase and make for the exit. After 2 short strides however, you must look up to the ceiling and let the shortest chuckle escape out from your lips and into the air.

 

Note of caution: Only a chuckle is needed at this point. A chortle could throw all our plans out the window.

 

To all present, It will be as if the artist himself has jumped through time and shared a private joke with you.

 

The mission is complete. Gravity will blink in the face of death, the Earth will resume its habitual orbit of the Sun and a lone tear will trickle down the cheek of every single gallery-goer present, as the tourist continues to ignore the ‘no flash photography’ sign up ahead.

squadgoals

Congratulations, this is your new crew! #SquadGoals

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A first attempt at 3D Art

So today, I finally watched the ending to the (Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing) Anime known to all as, none other than, Tokyo Ghoul. Only I later (about 30 seconds later to be exact) found out that there supposedly is a season 2 in the making!

SEASON BLOODY 2!!! 

So yeah as I was fan-girling over the climactic, though evidently not climactic, fight between Kaneki Kun and Jason, a wee thought entered my innocent little head.

‘Why not….. DRAW.. this Sh*t Daanyaal….. you know you waaant to…’

So in the end, a combination of boredom and more-boredom, led me down this dangerous yet life-changing adventure. And here was how it went:

The all important ‘ingredients’ used were:

Some scissors, a pencil, a fineliner, a giant rubber, and the most majestic oaken table money can surely buy.

Some scissors, a pencil, a fineliner, a giant rubber, and the most majestic oaken table money can surely buy.

Drawing an image to look 3D(ish) is slightly different from a normal, 2D, less-life-changing one! As you can see, when looking at the drawing head on or from a slightly different angle, it will look elongated and kind of disproportionate. Not that theres anything wrong with that of course… If that’s your thing then you run with it sunshine! Run with the wind!!

Oh you beauty!

Oh you beauty! Photobomb level: Topi

As you can see ’tis not the best of drawings by any means but ah well! Don’t hate appreciate B-) 😛

Finally all thats left was to draw an imaginary line across the page, cut along this very line and take a picture at *just* the right angle to create:

DAT 3D EFFECT THOUGH!!

In any case it is time to unveil
That
Which is in need of unveiling O.o

So without further ado:

Oh and don't forget to add the weird flower buds coming out the characters back! That always helps....

Oh and don’t forget to add the weird flower buds coming out the characters back! That always helps….

So yes there you have it, not brilliant but all in all I’m happy with it as a first attempt, despite that shocking shading..

And how daaare you think otherwise !

If you read all the way until the end, You the real MVP

Laters 🙂


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Moving on [poem]

You were everything
Everything and all
Eternity
Trapped
Inside of a girl

You were a clock face
Without any hands
The epitome of all
Unmade plans

You were the beat
Attending the heart
A little
piece
of
Personified art

You were a future
Vague but present
But above all else
You were a lesson

Unfinding you
Was no easy task
Not entirely unpainful
Certainly not fast

Skip to the future
As im writing this song
A mere room in the mind
Is where you live on

The distance has grown
You’re now down the hall
Finally moved on
So I guess
You weren’t
Eternal at all

By Daanyaal

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My encounter with Art

Today, my dear readers, I witnessed something worth sharing. Something which truly… Truly! Took my breath away.

There it was, a piece of Art, so innocent yet at the same time so profound. An object so awe-inspiring that words themselves cannot do it justice.

It was one of those things which, at the smallest of glances, can tear you apart, right down to your very core and then simultaneously re-build you into something you’d never thought you could become.

The circle of life itself is etched into this masterpiece.

So without further ado:

image

Banksy who?

You see, what this artist has captured, so economically, is that freedom is not something which can simply be written onto a wall and forced into the readers minds!

Nuh-uuuh Girlfriend.

Freedom, by its own definition, is against this very idea! This idea is against humanity itself! It quite simply goes against every single law of nature known, and unknown, to man! And to woman for that matter!

What our artist has achieved, other than simply leaving a sentence unfinished, is that he has allowed the wall… Yes, the very wall itself! To become a blank canvas. An unmarked atlas for the reader’s mind to be mapped onto! A theoretical bubble in which to place the speech of the viewer’s own heart.

Our anonymous artist has come to the remarkable realisation that:
Freedom is in the eye of the beholder…

Just let that sink in folks.

If your mind says ‘Free Palestine’, then the wall has decreed it so! If your mind screams ‘Free Oven Chips!!!’, then that is also by all means perfectly okay!!!! If not a tad bit weird.

How many thoughts have resonated off this very wall, and have embedded themselves into the very depths of space and time?? A mere mortal such as myself could never say.

So, in essence, what I want to say is that; at best, you come across a piece of contemporary art (whatever that means) such as this, once in a lifetime. I am fortunate enough to have come across one. I only hope that the rest of you are lucky enough too, some day.

Thank you for reading.

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