Tag Archives: Game

Dark wings, dark words – A Game of Thrones episode review

Warning. The following post will contain spoilers from the latest Game of Thrones episode.  All stunts are performed by trained athletes, please do not try these at home.  Viewer discretion is advised. No leprechauns were injured in the making of this blog post. Terms and conditions apply.

So, after watching the latest Game of Thrones episode (2 days ago), I felt it high time I write a little ‘suttin suttin’ about it…

Before I begin however it should be noted that,  having  completed the reading of the ‘A Song of ice and fire’ series,  I was recently initiated into the most notorious, badass, elitist, thug life, straight up Baller crew on all the Internet.  Yes. 

The BookSnobs 

Embrace me, fellow BookSnobs…  For I have become one of you! I am now OFFICIALLY allowed to compare anything I see or hear in this World of ours to The Books. An action which is immediately followed by a scoff, rolling of the eyes and the occasional finger wag. It is known.

If I see Jaime Lannister and Bronn loitering around in Dorne…
“Excuse me? That wasn’t in the books”

When Sansa married Ramsey Bolton..
“Ummmm I think you’ll find, young man, that that was not in the books”

When Bronn came across a pair of poisonous breasts
“Still not in the books!”

Even when my own mother made me a sandwich!
“Oh my god for the last time woman that wasn’t in the damned books!”
*throws plate on the floor and cries hysterically*

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The all-expenses-paid ticket to.. Snobtopia

… You get the picture.  Great power, great responsibility..  All that jazz.

No but seriously..  All ‘jokes’ aside.  That was NOT IN THE BOOKS 😭😭 And it wasn’t even a *good* change at that. Burning Shireen alive,  for me,  gave Stannis no benefits, whatsoever. 

In one single stroke of genius,  Stannis Baratheon:
– Turned the majority of his soldiers against him
– Turned Selyse human! (ew)
– Killed off his only heir! :S
– Made himself the most despised character in all of Westeros
-Still kept everyone hungry

And most importantly he wasted perfectly good kindling which could have been saved for Ramsey. *sigh*

Bad move my friend.. Bad move…

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A short excerpt showing the difference between Show and BookStannis😪

Since I don’t remember much of the episode I’ll go ahead and skip all the way to the end…  Because I can 😎

The climax of the episode saw a wave of fighting break out between #TeamKhaleesi and the Sons of the Harpy.  And at the climax of the climax!!! We see Daenerys mount Drogon’s spikes and flee the scene,  leaving the rest of TeamMotherOfDragons to fend for themselves. And who said gallantry was dead?

A slow clap seems in order at this point.

But the biggest crime in all of this wasn’t that she left all her friends to die..  No sirree, the biggest crime was that it happened straight after Jorah Mormont FINALLY escaped the dreaded friendzone!

When Jorah and Dany touched hands (and when he possibly gave her greyscale lolz), millions of men around the World were given ample hope in those briefest of moments. Across the globe,  all the friendzoned, brotherzoned and dadzoned (don’t ask) men looked up….. 

Only to see her fly off at the nearest opportunity!

Oh well lads we’ll get her next time ayyy..  Back to the drawing board for now. *sniff*

So all in all,  apart from the ‘shock value’ of the episode, which admittedly kept me on the edge of my seat and completely ruined my fingernails/underwear, the whole ordeal didn’t make much sense. Both Daenerys and Stannis (Dannis?) acted completely out of character, in my humble opinion, and these actions will probably lead to some rather large and further deviated consequences down the line.

Butterflies will be the end of us all…

But alas! Seeing as though there’s no need blogging over spilt milk, which is precisely what I’ve just done,  let us hope the final episode of the season will ‘Break the Internet’ as promised.

Until then ladies and starfish.. Peace 🙂

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The Mother Of All Procrastinators

I don’t know how I always end up here! It’s 2 am, pitch black, and I’m just sat here typing away on Google Keep. Actually… In case my dad reads this (he says he doesn’t but I’m not ready to believe that just yet) it’s actually 4 pm and I’m writing this in a well earned revision break! …….. Yeah that’ll do.

Anywho. Seeing as though I haven’t got a whole lot going on in my life apart from some hard-core procrastination
– Note to self, Procrastination could be a great band name
Another Note to self…… Make a band.
Why don’t I tell you all about the greatest piece of procrastination that has EVER. EXISTED!!!!!!

ARE YOU EXCITED!?!?!?!
ARE YOU WITH ME?????
ARE YOU SCREAMING THESE WORDS INSIDE YOUR HEAD???? If so please get yourself checked out. These aren’t good signs my friend.

What I am rambling about.. Is a game. But not just any old PlayStation or Xbox game. PSSSHT oh hell naw. I’m talking about the kind of game where you literally spend yeaaaaars of your life, your golden years, locked inside the darkest shadows of the most isolated corner of your house… Sapped of all emotion, vigorously clicking away on the only object left which feels ‘right’ in your hands………………… The mouse.

A sick, twisted, time consumingly WONDERFUL ga-
No. I don’t even think I can call it a game. For, as long as it is in your life, it becomes just that. Life. 

If you know me, or if you too have become a victim to this most leisurely of all leisures, then you will be aware of what I am speaking of. In fact I can see you now.. Nodding away in slow motion with your eyes closed, swaying your head in the guiltiest of fashions …… Jeez put some pants on while you read at least! And close your curtains!!  What with the nosy neighbours and all …

Without further adew: Runescape.

Just seeing it, written there, oh how it brings back memories.

I remember the long summer’s of the 2000s. The sun smiling down on everything in it’s wake. Kids running through the streets, a mixture of laughter and football’s flying through the air. Ice cream men showing up just in the nick of time to serve up happiness. I remember the whole lot; jumpers for goalposts, football’s stuck under cars and the last minute goals that put you on the map! But most of all ….. Most of all! I remember the double glazed and surprisingly spotless window pane that separated me from all that hustle and bustle as I sold my last batch of steel bars for the day.

I miss the summers…

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Nothing quite beats gazing into a pixelated World lost in cyberspace.....

If you don’t know what Runescape is….. Get out. I joke (please stay). Baaaasically it is a huge online world where you create a player, think of the coolest username you can..
Footymagic – XxGangstaMageKillaxX was taken *sigh*
Go through the most boring tutorial known to man and then after all that… You do whatever the hell you want bebbeh!!! Except that! Naughty.

Now of course, being a game, there were some rather cool features to this secret online life of yours. You had the chance to practise magic, try a hand at archery, craft amulets and other goods, slay dragons and many more!

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Sitting here... As you do ...

But I didn’t have time for all that Dragon slaying nonsense! I had other plans, and since apparently my ultimate goal in life was to be a child in the early to mid 1800‘s, mining rocks seemed a much more fitting activity, albeit electronically. I used to spend HOURS….. sat in front of a computer screen with my jaw touching the floor. Drool galore. And I used to click. On a rock.  Every day. Without fail.
For 400 years.

And if I wasn’t clicking on a rock I’d spend my nights calculating how many rocks I’d click on the next day and how much gp (the currency) that would amount to. 

It got so bad that I distinctively remember one night walking into my brother’s room. Eyes aglow, just after they had introduced the grand exchange and all I remember saying to him, in all seriousness, was:
‘I’m going to manipulate the trade market.’ Followed by a well rehearsed speech about the fluctuations in various stocks and other non-household goods.

Oh I could go on and on but I’m pretty sure that half of you that started reading this haven’t actually got this far (is half being optimistic?). So therefore I’m just going to end with a few quotes that you’d usually see in a typical ‘scapin session:

Flash2:wave: Rune scimi 32k!!!

Flash:scroll: Steel bars 250 ea.

Ur dadz a n00b stp followin me

Less sort dis beef in da wildie u punk ***

Special treat press Alt + f4 to get free 1mil

If u type ur password in it comes up starred! Look *********** !!!!!!!

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Thanks for reading! If you liked the post and want to hear more of what I’ve got to say…. Then give me money. Srsly…. I need food.
Orrrrrr just follow away and don’t forget to share the site on the Twittergram or the Facebooks or whatever you crazy kids are using these days. Ahhhhh Bebo… That’s the one!

Oh and comment!!! …. Peace!

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